the little travelers * travel blog

let freedom ring

 I got completely caught up in today's events.  For the first time in a long while I can look at a picture like this and feel something good inside.

I'm ready for change and for this new era to begin.  And I was real happy to see that helicopter take off for the last time.  Let the healing begin, not only of the nation, but for the world.  

I was pleased to hear Obama address the entire world and the muslim world in particular.  I have high hopes that the world can come together.  From meeting so many individual people in Iran who have a deep respect and admiration for Obama and hope that their own country can replace their president next year with a good man, I really do have a renewed sense of optimism for this world.  It's possible.  I did not meet a single person there that backed their president.  I firmly believe that each of us holds power - power of thought to create.  We can add to the sum total of negativity on this planet by focusing on the muslim world as an enemy or we can choose to see those countries as individual souls who want the same thing that we do- freedom of choice, freedom of religion, safety for their children, and the right to pursue happiness.

Much of today's speeches were about a call to action by the people.  Today I renew my vows to spread ideas and ideals of connection, rather than separation.  Today I vow to consume less than ever before.  Today I renew my vow to be a nurturing parent, to be honest, fair and live with integrity.  Today I vow to look optimistically to the future.

Many of us have chosen a deliberate path of raising our children and days like today are great for renewing the energy involved in fulfilling our decisions we made even before they were born.  Many of us in the blog world have chosen a gentle birth, homeschooling, breast feeding or living without the mainstream media's influence over our families and if we continue to be examples to other families around us we can definitely create a healthier future for our children.  One that really does value people over possessions, and human rights over the almighty dollar.  Tonight I will sleep a little more soundly knowing a new beginning is under way.

winter in Arizona

is fabulous.  Temps are now in the 70's and it is delightful.  It is time to hit the trails and drink in endless blue skies.  We'd driven past this place a few times and they were very eager to get into that hole.

Then we saw the trailhead and started our walk and the whining began.  "Oh, I didn't know it was going to be a trail.  I thought we could climb the rock.  This is boring and easy."  As so often on our walks out on public trails it seems all 'the good parts' are off limits.  They are usually off the trail and we're not allowed to wander from the trails.  In California there was this one state park we loved and would always sneak off trail to climb into one of the caves.  Often we would get caught and be scolded and told not to do it again.  

So, off we went on the trail until we were in the hole.  When alas, the girls spotted some teen boys climbing the front of the rock and they nearly ran back down the whole trail to begin again, this time 'the fun way.'

Even though they got a bit banged up they thought it was much funner.  A good lesson for us parents.  It is such a common misnomer that kids always pick the easiest route.  I find quite the opposite is true.  When really given the choice I find they often pick the more challenging path- whether it be academically, physically or spiritually.  They enjoy the challenge.

I so often wonder who is standing in their way for reaching the top of their world- me or them?

kids and praise

I know so many of us out there are huge fans of Alfie Kohn's, Punish by Rewards.  For those not familiar with the book- it basically states how praising children acts as a huge detriment to their lives.  Constantly saying  "good job" to our children does not help them become better at what they're doing.  It interferes more with the learning process than it helps it.  It puts the emphasis on the outcome rather than the process, turning children from explorers to performers.  They become addicted to the way others are seeing them and loose the ability to listen to their own inner guidance.  Their motivation becomes outward focused rather than inwardly following their own ideas, intuition, talents and strengths.  What others think of them becomes more important than what they think of themselves.  

Consequently, I find many of us relinquish praise all together.  Here's a great little video that speaks to the kind of praise that is beneficial to children.

cultural mothering

I've finally started to edit my footage from Iran.  The girls are away this week and I've been locked in a  room finally getting my first glimpse at what I shot.  In our past travels we were always in living arrangements where we had a TV hook-up so I would view my footage each night knowing exactly what I shot.  This trip was completely different.  Until two days ago I had absolutely no idea what I had captured and less than half of the footage I normally come home with.  But after my missing luggage scare I was happy to have anything!- not sure I mentioned it before, but as we were leaving Iran I'd heard scary stories about video footage being confiscated at the airport.  I struggled with which option to pack my precious footage in- carry on or checked.  In normal situations I would always keep it with me- a no brainer.  But this was different.  I mentioned I did not obtain a media visa and I did shoot things I technically wasn't supposed to and had been asked to stop shooting quite a few times and, well..I kept my camera on while over my shoulder after being asked to turn it off a few times.  So, in the end I chose checked baggage - each tape wrapped up inside a pair of socks.  That was fine until we arrived in Minneapolis where we needed to go through customs and my suitcase was not there.  I did everything in my power to not completely flip out for the next two and a half days until finally the suitcase was located and all my footage was packed away as neatly as ever.  such stress!

So, now it's been fun to look through it all and relive the trip from another angle.  It is an entirely different experience.  As one very wise commenter wrote on one of those contest comments that she's sure the dvd will be entirely different from my account of the trip.  As I edit I let go of all of my adult ideas and concepts and just really focus on the children's perspective.  It's a weird thing because I often enjoy the dvds more than the actual trip.  They are very fun to put together as none of the real work of travel is involved.  I don't have to endure the 8 hour car trip with no leg room and the heater on with the windows rolled up while I edit.  I'm left with only the images and the sounds that I want to keep - everything else ends up in the electronic trash can.

So, now the point of my post.  As I was watching back on our first day in Tehran with our first guide- a woman in her 20's who is not yet a mother I was stuck by the common parenting approach we shared.  Not spoken, we did not talk about it- but yet when we watched the girls climbing around on this concrete fountain thing she did not tell them to be careful or micromanage them, but she watched them- as I do.  When one almost fell but then caught herself we both looked at each other and smiled a smile of relief.  But we did not interfere with the girls.  This very small rather insignificant moment was startling to me because that hardly ever happens to me here in this country.  Usually, the scenario  would include another mother looking at me like I'm nuts with a "aren't you going to tell them to get down?" look on her face.  Or she would be shouting at her own children to get down or not climb on it or my favorite- when a child does get hurt start shouting at them, "I told you to be careful!"  Excellent  advice.

My point here is that in our country we do not have a common mothering culture.  We rarely tend to parent similar to other mothers around us and therefor don't seem to have a common connection to other mothers.  It is a rare instance when I can share a smile and a gesture with a mother at a park that says, "I know how you feel."  Sometimes I will look to a mother with a tantruming toddler wanting to just smile at her in a way that says, "I've been there."  but rarely will that woman look at me for fear that she is being judged.  I think it has much to do with our societies focus on competitiveness that drives much of this.  If my children aren't in the middle of a tantrum and yours are that must mean that I'm winning at being a parent and you are losing.  There really is not a sense of common ground in most cases.  Within our own small groups sometimes that spirit of 'in it together' does emerge, but I'm talking about with strangers in the park or the grocery store.

This also struck me on our plane ride from Tehran to Amsterdam.  There was a young mother with a baby traveling alone and she had so many offers to assist with the baby on that flight.  Every woman over the age of 30 on that plane seemed to offer their assistance to her.  Here's the clincher- especially when that baby was crying!  This is in stark contrast to the flight we had from Minneapolis to Phoenix where there were quite a few babies on board and all I heard were derogatory remarks towards these babies and their bad luck in having to sit near one.  That was this flight experience.  I've also had the experience with the little sister spending an entire 5 hour flight away from us because she was a happy 9 month old and everyone wanted a turn to play with her.  But would those same people have been around if she was a screamer?

Why are we so reluctant to help out another mom- or is the question, why are we so reluctant to receive help from another mother here in this country?  Other western countries like Germany are even worse.  I was once in line at a check-out when a baby began to cry and a few people in line started scolding the mother telling her she should leave the store with her crying baby and come back in to pay when her baby has stopped crying!  yikes.  What drives these cultural norms?  And more importantly, what can each of us mothers do to make a more compassionate mothering culture in our own little neck of the woods?  

mixed-aged cooperation

One of the things I love about homeschooling so much is the opportunity for mixed aged interaction.  No where in society does segregation based on age happen outside of schools.  Some school are narrowing this age segregation further and further allowing individual classes their own recess time.  This, however, really strips children of the opportunity to work together and build both their own level of care taking and for the younger ones to learn from the older ones.  These days, however, most parents do not want their younger children hanging around older ones because of what they do learn.  

I've seen this a lot lately, but feel it comes from this social isolation.  Older children are quiet inappropriate around younger children these days.  The other day we were at a park and two boys between the ages of 10 to 12 pushed past us- literally pushing us out of their way- and were cursing up a storm.  They paid no attention to me as an adult or to the little kids that were with me.  There was absolutely no self-regulation going on whatsoever.  

But when older children are around younger ones on a regular basis a real awareness and care of them develops.

I love nothing more than to sit back as inconspicuously as possible and just watch.  I love to see them problem solve and figure out what they're going to do.

In this case there was a bit of water that needed crossing and the bigger girls were trying to figure out how to help the littles over.  Chantelle thought a piggy pack would be best until she realized how heavy the little cousin was!  She said, "Oh, that won't work." and set her back down.  I remained silent during the whole escapade, which they are completely used to so do not even bother looking my way for suggestions.

Then Nakia thought she could carry her.  Nope, too heavy.

So, they went for the pass.

In the end, they did get her across, but not without a damp boot and pant leg... an excellent price for a priceless experience.

A dose of reality- what cannot be seen in these pictures is the mother with the crying 4 year old behind us that wanted so badly to play with the girls here but whose mother would not let him  because the idea of possibly getting wet was so horrific to her she scolded him and made him sit on the bench next to her while giving us dirty looks for 'allowing' this to go on.  sigh.  If I had a magic wand I would make every mother on the planet never care ever again about their children getting their clothes dirty!  

The crucial elements involved in this here for real 'care' to take place is the lack of micromanagement by an adult and also the real life element of an obstacle.  This is a perfect place for something like this to happen because there is no real danger.  The worst that can happen is a wet foot, but the perceived 'danger' of the wet foot is enough for them all to take this very seriously.  

A few years ago when the big sister was in school she was in a first grade full of really wild boys, many on add/adhd drugs who just could not sit still.  Once a week we would go on a nature walk that I always attended.  All the boys knew that they could climb the trees if an adult was willing to go with them- and they knew I was the only adult willing to climb trees- so it became my 'job.'  I loved it.  These boys who had very little self control and self-monitoring skills became saints high up in the trees.  Once the danger was real, they worked together in a remarkable way.  Each was so courteous to the other and so cooperative.  "Hey dude, I want to go to that branch.  Can you come over here while I climb there and then you can go back?"  "OK, hang on, I think Josh wants to get up here first."  These boys were nothing like this on the ground and caused quite a bit of distress to each other, seeming to care very little about what was best for the other.  But once we were 20 feet up in the air everything changed.  This is why I'm a HUGE advocate of playing outdoors and exposing children to real life dangers.  I'm all for working with real tools, fire, climbing trees, sawing wood, knives in the kitchen, etc.  It is real danger that teaches children about the laws of nature- the best teacher we have.  

old school scouting

Last year a friend and I had really wanted to start up our own scouting troop for girls.  Something that incorporated a lot of nature studies, old school type badge earning activities and crafts that used all natural materials.  I was a Camp Fire Girl when I grew up and I love the idea of a group of girls that works together.  We were going to make the group cooperative rather than competitive as we had friends and family currently in Girl Scouts that were extremely cut-throat about who had more badges and it was just another opportunity for competition.  Mothers were doing some of the activities for the girls so their daughter would have the most badges to wear across her chest.  And a recent troop activity after selling more cookies than any one else in their district was to rent a limo to go to the Hannah Montana concert- or is it Mylie Cyrus?  We were looking for something a little different.  I should say I have a friend who is a co-leader in another state whose troop is entirely different.  But I was living in Orange County- so limos and concerts were 'normal' for 7 year olds who 'beat' their competitors.

Our group was going to pick the berries and leaves to tie-dye their own self-designed shirts for their uniform, were going to be called something like The Nature Girls and work on a cooperative quilt- each sewing on one patch each time they completed a task- that at the finish of the quilt would be given away to someone who needed it.  Our goal was harmony with nature, working towards a common goal, serving others and non attachment to material objects.  We were going to do overnight camping trips once a season- as we were in Southern California nights in winter are usually in their 50's or 40's- so doable for an overnight.  They were going to learn how to build fires, shelters and cook on those fires with local ingredients.

It was a lovely concept but the two of us were already extremely busy and knew we needed some additional adult help if we were to pull it off.  We put out our feelers to the local community and in no time had together around 30 girls, and no parents.  We dropped the idea and the two of us and our own children headed out for weekly hikes after school instead.  But I still yearn for a group like this for my girls.  I know it's unrealistic right now as we're not staying in one place long enough for this to happen...so I just want to put the idea out there for anyone else who might pick it up.  

In our research for what we wanted to include we pulled up a lot of vintage scouting books for both boys and girls.  Here are excerpts from my favorite- a vintage Camp Fire Girl's Handbook found at a thrift store.

From the Home Craft section:

*Cook meat in four ways:  roast, broil, fricassee, boil.

*Cook left-over meats in four ways.

*Cook three common vegetable in three ways each.

*Make two kinds of soup with milk, and two with meat.

*Prepare eggs in four different ways

*Prepare four desserts: one gelatine, one boiled, one baked, and one frozen

*Prepare a gruel, a cereal, an eggnog, and milk toast and arrange an invalids' tray attractively.  (OMG!- an invalid's tray!)

*Gather two quarts of wild berries or fruits and make them into a dessert.

*Can or preserve three different kinds of fruits, at least one quart of each kind.

*Use a fireless cooker successfully on cereals, meat and vegetables.

*Write out an appetizing balanced vegetarian diet for a week.

*Write out a menu for three weeks suitable for a school girl who is inclined to be too stout. (love this one!!)

*Write out a menu for three weeks suitable for a school girl who is inclined to be too thin.

*Make two pounds of butter a week for two months.

*Market for one week on one dollar and half per person, keeping accounts and records of menus.

*Know the way flour, sugar, rice, cereals, crackers, and breads are sold- packages, bulk, etc.- prices, dangerous and common adulterations (they couldn't have imagined the adulterations that were to come in the future.)

*Laundering: Do a family washing, using modern labor-saving devices if possible.

*Remove three common stains from washable material, two spots from non-washable material. 

*Use two agents for softening water, two soaps for different uses, two kinds of starching methods, two methods of bluing and two household methods of bleaching. (I don't even know what bluing is!)

*Repack a faucet.

*Entertainment: sing weekly in chorus or glee club for not less then three months

*Play from memory five piano pieces of the difficulty of Schumann's 'Scenes from Childhood."

*Commit and recite five  hundred lines of standard poetry.

*Know and tell five standard folk stories.

*Write and give a play

*Make six visits a month for three months to sick in homes, hospitals, or other institutions.

*Know and describe three kinds of baby cries and what they mean.

*Make a set of practical playthings for a child three years old.

*To sleep out of doors or with the windows completely open for at least one month.

*To refrain from chewing gum, candy, sundaes, sodas, and commercially manufactured beverages between meals for at least one month.

*To know what a girl of her age needs to know about herself- including knowledge of personal hygiene including the best use of hot and cold baths, care of the hands, cleanliness of the  hair and its appropriate dressing, the encouragement of good teeth and a sweet breath. The girl should know the care of the eyes in respect to good light and occasional relaxation by glancing to a distance when reading or doing other close work.  She should know the normal requirements of sleep and out of door exercise for her age, the suitable dress for cold or wet weather, the proper care of the feet and proper selection of footwear, especially for school, work, and tramping, simple preventives of constipation through regularity, exercise, and attractive laxative foods.  She should know those intimate things which careful mothers tell their daughters about the personal life of women and something of the delightful results of a happy attitude to all about her.

Girls who complete 15 of these (this is a small sampling) receives her honor bead.  It strikes me how much was asked of girls long ago for so small a reward.  Over the years we've asked less and less and have offered larger and larger rewards.  Now, I believe one visit to hospital at Christmas time will earn you a badge.  The focus has definitely shifted dramatically from becoming proficient at a task to just doing it to get the badge.  Schools have become the same and self care is usually learned in the context of vanity, rather than health.  Our lives have become so easy allowing us to accomplish so much more, but many of us use that time to simply sit in front of a TV.  I often imagine Ma Ingalls walking into my house and looking at the huge fridge, double oven, big sink with running water and a stove that lights by turning a knob and then look at what I'm preparing for dinner and saying, "Are you kidding me?"  You don't have to gather wood, light the fire, kill the animal, pick the vegetables and this is what you're making?  

So, for fun these days we've been picking things off of the list to do.  We've slept with our windows open for over a year now and love how in winter my face is cold and my body warm under the covers upon waking.  And the girls had the assignment of making dinner for eight with a $20 budget the other night.  Their menu cracked me up as it was very midwestern in nature.  We are not really a meat and potatoes kind of family but their menu was:

turkey meatloaf (needing two packs)

baked potatoes

2 artichokes for appetizer (they wanted it for the green veggie but was too costly)

green beans

sauteed mushrooms

strawberries and whip cream for dessert

Here in Arizona there is an unbelievable farmer's market shop that has rock bottom prices so this was possible.  2 packs of strawberries for $3.  2 packs of organic blackberries for $1. (!!)  3 cantaloupe for .99.  It's nuts.  They also did all the cooking.  I let them use anything from the pantry so they did not need to buy butter, salt, seasoning, etc.  I only assisted when asked and in the market would help with the math and letting them know how much money was left.  A protein, a starch, and a green veggie were my only requirements.  Their cousins were coming over for dinner and the 8 year old helped with the cooking and the 2 and 4 year old helped to snip the beans and stir the mushrooms.  I was impressed with the whole lot of them and it also made me realize they can do a lot more than they have been.  Their next task is going to be all the meals for the whole day for $10.  Just for the three of us.  That's actually a realistic amount for our daily budget.  Although, it's not so easy to isolate one day since the key to budget cooking is to stretch foods- use the carcass from the roast chicken for soup in two days- the day in the middle is for stock making.  

"In these tough times" (ehem- so tired of this phrase!) we could all learn a little something from old school scouting.  Many mothers I know do not know how to do most of the things listed.  Some of the tasks are truly outdated but others really are not and many women, I believe, would be much happier mothers if they knew how to do some of those things.  I think it would bring more balance and peace to their lives as they would feel like more confident mothers.  Much of this whole blogging world responds to these concepts.  Looking around at many of the most popular mom blogs it is hard to not notice that many revolve around home making and crafting.  It went so out of fashion for a few generations and the current generation of young mothers I think is craving its return.  A recession could be a good thing.  Having people fix a pair of pants rather than throw them away and buy a new pair will benefit everyone- except the big corporations, which not helping them, also helps the whole world.  So it is an all around win/win.

warmth

In yoga today the instructor was talking about keeping our organs warm.  In much of the East they recommend not drinking cold beverages because it 'makes your organs cold.'  Colleagues that I worked with in Japan would often tell me that drinking large amounts of cold water would make me fat and to drink small amounts of tea for good health.  In my 20's I thought they were absurd and just smiled while inside I thought they were rather moronic.  But for the last month I've been experimenting with not drinking cold liquids.  I've only been drinking hot tea and must admit to having better digestion and feeling more relaxed.

While traveling through Asia I often noticed particularly in the elderly that they wrap their middles with an extra layer.  In Korea elderly women often wear a velcro thick belt around their middles to keep their organs warm.  

In Waldorf schools in the young years teachers are always on parents to dress their children in layers to keep warm.  Steiner believed that a child's organs could not develop properly if they were not warm.I always like it when the same information comes at me from drastically different sources saying the same thing.  There is quite a bit of tension that is created in the body when it's trying to keep itself warm that often comes out in play when children are not dressed warm enough.  When teaching preschool I always kept extra sweaters and hats around for those children that came underdressed in the morning and it definitely made a difference in their behavior once they were warm.  The 'good' Waldorf parent dresses their child in three layers.  In moderately cool climates it's an undershirt, long sleeve shirt and sweater- all out of natural materials, ideally the sweater hand knitted out of wool. In cold climates the outer layer is of course more serious.

They also believe that children ought to wear a particular garment often like we used to when we were kids.  For example, a sweater that is 'theirs.'  One that everyone knows belongs to them because they wear it everyday.  It really has their energy imbued into it.  When children wear new clothes all the time they never get a chance to really make them their own and personalize them. Think about a favorite sweatshirt that you've owned for years.  It definitely feels different than a brand new one and it's not just about how many time it's been washed to make it softer.  It has a different energy to it.   Children especially are very in tune with energy of things, which is why it is wise to take much care in the objects that children are exposed to.

Since cold season is starting up again here is Dr. Mercola's advice on the flu vaccine.  

free range kids

is a site I really love!  I recently received an email asking my permission to include a comment I had written in an upcoming book.  Here's the story:

When I was living in Japan everyone on the street let their kids go to the park alone.  My daughters were 3 and 5 at the time and just ran off with the other kids.  I followed ducking behind cars so they couldn't see me and watched from a distance.  They were all fine.  After a week of spying I finally relaxed enough to enjoy the time that they were at the park.  My brother grew up in Germany in the 60's and 3 yrs old was the official age when a child was old enough to go to the corner bakery in the morning to pick up the bread.  Today, 3 yrs old is still thought of as infancy!  Many people still have a 3 yr old in a highchair, diapers and they have never even drunk out of a cup before- all they know are 'sippy-cups.'  This world is beyond absurd. 

I know of another story where a family traveled to south east asia with a 2 yr old still in a stroller- all the local people thought the child had stumbled across a land mine.  When the child got up and walked around they were amazed- but confused.  Why would a healthy child need a wheelchair???  Good question!  

When I was in the Philippines  2 year olds ran on rice field ledges one foot wide with up to a 2 story drop off on the other side.  I was in my 20's and walked nervously along the edge while they ran past me.  I asked a local if a child had ever fallen off and they laughed and laughed.  They said the only people who ever got hurt were tourists because they weren't used to it.  This is the exact proof that the old wise one said about fear- 'we have nothing to fear but fear itself.'  The fear IS the danger- not the subway, the tree, the neighbor.  it's only the fear.

I really hope she edits it!  Talk about stream of consciousness writing.  

Recently, the big sister and her 8 year old cousin have been hanging out at a park next to an elementary school- during school hours- which is particularly disturbing to teachers on yard duty who can see them through the chain link fence that separates the two.  To make matters worse they enjoy sitting up on top of the monkey bars eating their snack that they packed.  So many disturbing facets of this to the well intentioned teachers.

Our children are so sheltered these days.  For those that say it is more dangerous now than it was when we grew up have not seen the statistics stating otherwise.  Kidnappings have not increased since we were kids, only media reportings of them have risen 300%.  Some statistics even say we're at a slightly lower rate than 30 years ago.  Of course it's unfortunate to have a tragedy strike, but equally tragic is locking kids inside to grow obese in front of a TV and never know adventure.  

Both of my brothers learned to fly before they learned to drive a car.  Plane licenses were issued at 15 and cars at 16.  The first time my brothers soloed we all waved towels and skirts from the backyard when they flew overhead.  I remember my mom's response to the very concerned neighbors questioning her parenting by 'letting' them fly alone at that age.  She said, "I would rather have my kids die doing something they love than hate me for sheltering them out of my own fear."  I was 8 and  remember being so glad she was my mom and not the nervous Nelly who lived next door with an alarm system sign in her yard.  We rarely locked our doors and were one of the few houses on the block that was never robbed.  At this point, with the huge success of The Secret and all, most of us understand that everything is law of attraction.   But how many of us put it into practical application where our children are concerned?

 

my brother, the melancholic

There is always a lot of talk about the temperaments in Waldorf ed.  A simple way to think of them is through the Pooh characters.

Pooh= Phlegmatic (water)

Eyore= Melancholic (earth)

Tigger= Choleric (fire)

Piglet= Sanguine (air)

I am fire and have one water and one earth child.  It is often challenging for me but the more I learned about the temperaments the better I felt equipped to meet my children where they are, rather than where I am.  As a Tigger I move rather quickly and pack a lot of things into any given day.  My little one is Pooh and loves to move really slowly and is really not in a hurry to do anything, ever.  Then there's the big sister  Eyore, who generally carries the weight of the world on her shoulders.  She is serious and feels things very deeply.  Before learning about the temperaments I was far more likely to dismiss her woes- because there are MANY!  But being dismissive to a melancholic is like a stab straight to the heart.  It really hurts them.  I am often tempted to respond to her as my own temperament would want to respond to something:  Big sister stubs her toe and begins to cry.  I look at the tiny scratch and say, "ouchy" and keep moving.  This of course only makes her cry harder.  Until I meet her with stopping and really taking a look at the itty bitty, teeny tiny scratch and acknowledge it, she will not get off  of it.  So, I've learned over the years to deal with my daughter.  I feel it's my duty as a mother to learn as much as possible so I can best respond to each child's needs.  

Then there is my brother.  My 45 year old brother who just retired from flying jets for the Air Force.  We were bbq'ing the other day when he went to light the bbq and it blew up in his face singeing his eyebrows and front hair and arm hairs.  He came in the house and my mom (fire times 1000! - like Tigger on crack) and I start cracking up- only because we had both done it to ourselves in the past year and ran around with sparse eyebrows for months.  When it happened to us we nearly wet ourselves in hysteria.  He did not laugh- at all.  On the contrary, after we started laughing he began to sulk.  We of course stopped our snickering and asked if he was ok, to which he replied, "It really hurts.  It's burned."  From experience we knew it hurt, but it did not stop us from thinking it was funny when we were the victims.  But Tigger would also laugh at himself.  Imagine Eyore burning himself!  Not a laughing matter.  So the whole night he didn't really get off of it and sulked.  

It didn't occur to me until I was going to bed that my brother is melancholic!  I certainly have learned not to ever make light or laugh at my daughter, but had never really even thought of my grown siblings as a particular temperament.  My brother was in the Air Force for a long time.  He's done basic training and countless flights to Iraq and Afghanistan- I would think a little bbq mishap wouldn't phase him.  But if we had all said, "Oh, my gosh! Are you ok?"  he would've gotten right off of it and said, "Ya, it's fine." not making a big deal of it at all. But because we never asked and laughed at him, it really hurt him.  

A lot of parents get upset over teachers using talking about the temperaments in school feeling that it is just another way to label children.  I understand that as I dislike categorizing people as well.  However, I have found much wisdom in leaning about the temperaments just to see others from their perspective rather than my own.  People are different and do process things differently and I find it extremely helpful to be able to better respond to someone having a bit more information.  It is also important to note that the goal for adults is to be balanced in all four and people are rarely only one temperament.  However, most people do have a dominant temperament.

More info can be found in the books like, Children and their Temperaments.

single parenthood...

is not something I often write about.  I don't think of myself as a single parent all that often.  I just think of myself as a Mom.  It's not something that I try to hide or pretend I'm not, it's just not often relevant to what I'm writing about.  I know a lot of blogging moms are stay at home moms with working husbands.  I am a working mom who stays home and homeschools one child, volunteers at the other child's school and works late into the night to fit in all that needs to get done on any given day.  It's my life.  Even when I was married, the girls' dad used to travel half the year and was gone.  So, although I did not have the same financial responsibilities that I do now, I've been used to doing long stretches of time without breaks. 

Quite frankly, my life is a lot easier now that I'm not married than when I was.  When most people talk about single parenthood they talk of how hard it is.  For me, it's easier.  Even spending an evening with married friends in the midst of turmoil makes me feel lucky to be relieved of that kind of stress in my life.  Making the decision to leave a marriage is an incredibly stressful process, but for me now that it's complete- it's been 4 years- I feel lucky to still have a good friendship with their dad and that we still function as a happy family, separately.  When we go places all together often someone will say, "Oh, you look like such a happy family."  I always say, "We are!  Because we don't live together anymore."  Usually they think I"m kidding- but I'm not.  It was extremely challenging.  People so often say they stay together for the sake of their children.  In my case, I left for the sake of my children.  Our home was an energetic nightmare.  We did not fight in front of the kids, but I felt like my body was going to give out on me if I kept living that life of inner discord.  We did not like each other.  We met while traveling in our early 20's and neither one of us knew ourselves enough to be honest with each other about what we wanted in life, let alone a mate.  When I filed for divorce I felt only relief.  I never even cried- and I'm a crier!  I knew it was the right thing to do.

 He still travels a lot and calls in to talk to the girls and we still often talk for an hour or more on the phone.  We even still travel together sometimes.  There is a particular bond that develops when sharing children with a person that goes far beyond licenses of marriage.  Our relationship is far healthier now than it ever was while we were married.  When I say that to people they automatically assume we're getting back together.  That is not anywhere near the case.  That phase is clearly over and a practical, rather impersonal friendship has taken it's place.  

I needed to provide an updated photo to a local newspaper for an article they're doing on The Little Travelers.  I realized I didn't have any family shots with the little sister's new front teeth, so I hit up my niece to snap a few.  Something about looking at these photos of my family got me thinking about families.  It's the one time when I kind of catch myself and think, 'yup, that's my family.'  It looks small to me.  I'm often around a lot of people and children that sometimes it takes me by surprises to look at the three of us and think, that's it.  The girls still have requests on their birthdays and such for 'the whole family' to do something together.  When just the three of us are together I don't  feel like we're missing anything.   I do not mind attending parent evenings alone as I've gone to movies most of my life alone.  I'm quite an independent, solitary type who doesn't mind those things.  But I did always envision myself to have a very large family when I was a child.  I would read books about people who adopted 20 or more children and always assumed I would be one.  I no longer have that desire as it would be a nightmare to travel with that many children- haha.  I'm not living the life I thought I'd be living when I was a child, but it is the deliberate life I've set out to live for myself as an adult.  Different than I thought, different than I imagined, but definitely good.   

   

Photos taken by Emma, age 8.  I prefer having my photos taken by a child because they view the world differently than adults.