One of the most frequently emailed questions I get is about the temperaments. I've written about it quite a few times before but today's lunch at the park seemed like a perfect opportunity to do a little blow by blow tutorial or sorts. I've decided to take all definitions of the temperaments straight from Wikipedia(in blue) today to keep this as objective as possible since I'll be looking at my own children and those of my brother while playing at the park. I was using my telephoto lens and was under a tree just observing what was happening with no agenda in mind. I didn't think of using these photos for this post until after I looked at them and noticed how well they show cased each temperament. I was thinking of writing about trying to perfect our ranch dressing recipe. So I did not shoot these with stereotyping them into these roles. They did that on their own just fine! haha. I find this so much more fascinating than ranch dressing though!
First let's take a look at the walk to the park. The big girl holding the small child's hand is our choleric. She typically walks way ahead of the rest but because she's holding the hand of the slower child she's not quite as far ahead as usual. The next tallest on the left in front in our melancholic. Note she is looking down at the ground while walking. The one in the groovy knee socks is phlegmatic and in the back and the little one is also pretty phlegmatic and pretty much needs to nearly be pulled forward to actually go anywhere. Then there is the sanguine off to the side catching butterflies, picking dandelions- anything off the path.
Now let's introduce the individual temperaments. First we have our choleric. Wiki says, "
season of summer (dry and hot), and the element of fire. A person who is choleric is a doer and a leader. They have a lot of ambition, energy, and passion, and try to instill it in others. They can dominate people of other temperaments, especially phlegmatic types. Many great charismatic military and political figures were cholerics. On the negative side, they are easily angered or bad-tempered."This is Tigger from the Pooh characters. Full of life and big on emotion but can run hot and cold with quite a bit of pouting going on. Waldorf teachers typically recommend fighting fire with fire in the case of a choleric. They need to know their limits loud and clear but will push them. Sometimes it can work to throw water on the fire - ignoring a tantrum usually works best- but feeding it by saying, 'What's wrong?" will only make the fire burn stronger and eventually it will burn out of control.
Next is our melancholic (Eyore):
"A person who is a thoughtful ponderer has a melancholicdisposition. Often very kind and considerate, melancholics can be highly creative – as in poetry and art - but also can become overly pre-occupied with the tragedy and cruelty in the world, thus becoming depressed. The temperament is associated with the season of fall/autumn (dry and cold) and the element earth. A melancholic is also often a perfectionist, being very particular about what they want and how they want it in some cases. This often results in being unsatisfied with one's own artistic or creative works and always pointing out to themselves what could and should be improved. You can see here she is not off on her own pouting, just in her own world and thoughts.
You can see it in her posture and many melancholics tend to have a slight frame- tall and thin.
Here she is bringing 'the choleric' veggies dipped in ranch so the choleric does not need to get off the swing and risk someone else taking it. They are both playing their roles perfectly. It's situations like these that I'm grateful for knowledge of the temperaments. Sometimes I'll be at a park with friends who are more traditionally psychology based and see these interactions as manipulative and one dominating the other. Yes, I would agree that potential is here- yet, knowing their temperaments and seeing how they play out and then addressing it through story and other ways that are less direct feels so much better to me than getting involved in this situation by yelling over to them, "Get it yourself!" or to my own child, "Don't get it for her. Make her get it herself." which is what I've seen many parents do. Remember these girls are both 9 so they are in the middle years so they are now primarily in their emotions and heart space so using story as a way to address these issues is perfect. Also through things like form drawing - when we do form drawings together I usually have the choleric do spirals starting from the outside going in and the melancholic doing the opposite- in to out. It's seems a funny way to address this situation but I find it works quite well.
Next. behold our little sanguine (Piglet)- the only one is this house of 8 right now!
Wiki says,
"Sanguine indicates the personality of an individual with the temperament of blood, Night, the season of spring (wet and hot), and the classical element of air. A person who is sanguine is generally light-hearted, funloving, a people person, loves to entertain, spontaneous, and confident. However they can be arrogant, cocky, and indulgent. He/She can be day-dreamy and off-task to the point of not accomplishing anything and can be impulsive, possibly acting on whims in an unpredictable fashion. (I will note here that the sanguine temperament is the overriding temperament of all children but there are usually individual temperaments as well. When you've got a sanguine child it's kind of a double whammy!)
This chipper little thing is who wakes up the whole house every morning with a big happy, "good morning!!" while everyone else groans. She talks all through breakfast while everyone else stares at their plate and eats. She actually never really stops talking at any given point during the day. She's like a little energizer bunny. Sanguines typically skip rather than walk and are very light on their feet- often walk on tip-toes and behave almost like a flitting butterfly landing here and there and everywhere. This one wanders off and says hello to everyone she passes. It is a good idea to hold hands with a sanguine when in busy public places or near a street. Even when they know better their body seems to have a mind of its own and just takes them all over the place. I find sanguines need a very strong rhythm in their daily lives more than the others. Cholerics too.
She and other sanguines I know are extremely sensitive to sugar and can easily spin out of control resulting in whiney fits and crying. I'm not a big fan of puzzles for young ones (she's 4) because I think their time is better spent playing creatively but she is one that I find puzzles actually help to ground and bring a bit of earth into this very airy gal. I found a great puzzle the other day with 70 pieces in it and it really works to sit down with her one and one and work the puzzle together when she's headed for outer space.
Then there are our two phlegmatics (Pooh):
Wiki says,
A phlegmatic person is calm and unemotional. Corresponds to the season of winter (wet and cold), and connotes the element of water.
While phlegmatics are generally self-content and kind, their shy personality can often inhibit enthusiasm in others and make themselves lazy and resistant to change. They are very consistent, relaxed, rational, curious, and observant, making them good administrators and diplomats. Like the sanguine personality, the phlegmatic has many friends. However the phlegmatic is more reliable and compassionate; these characteristics typically make the phlegmatic a more dependable friend.
They really love their food and can tend to overeat and become overly sedentary (classic couch potato). They are typically home bodies that enjoy cooking and domestic type activities. And like Pooh really love sweets! I sometimes find cookies or even fruit hidden under her pillow to snack on at night. These are the kids that would rather fall off the swing by swinging with one hand and a cookie in the other rather than let it go. They are usually excellent sleepers- my 7 year old still at 12 hours per night.
They also really like to gather and collect things. You'll often find the little one with her shirt being used as a carrying case full of toys moving them from one area to the next. They like arranging their collections - lining up trains, stones and the like you'll often see.
So there's my wrap up of the temperaments. Again, I think understanding them can be an invaluable tool to use for parents to better understand our children rather than to label them or typecast them. The goal for adults is to become balanced in all four. When we watch and know our children's strengths as well as their weaknesses and find ways to support them I think they stand the best chance in later life. Yelling "hurry up" to a phlegmatic is not helpful or making them feel like there is something wrong with them "Why are you so slow? Why are you always last?" is not helpful. But understanding that they are deep in thought and not in such a hurry to move from point A to point B is helpful info for me. And it also makes parenting more specific to each child. You can't expect a choleric and a sanguine child to get from point A to point B in the same fashion. So all that, "Why can't you be like your sister?" is thrown out of the window.
I leave you with a little verse from A journey through time in verse and rhyme:
Lightly the sanguine one jumps over the stone
Quick and with grace
If he trips he cares not
With a laugh he is on his way
Grimly the choleric kicks at the stone
Hurling it out of his way.
As he exalts in his strength
See how his eye flashes fire.
Now the phlegmatic appears
And pensively slows down his step
“If this stone will not move from my path
Then I must go around it, that’s all.”
Silently stands by the stone
Brooding, the melancholy one,
Grumbling and plunged in despair
At his eternal bad luck.
A great book is Children and their Temperaments for more info on the subject.
