Like the English with their tea, the Germans have their Kaffee. Not a time to necessarily drink coffee but to have tea or coffee or juice for the kids and pastry in the afternoon. My mom tells stories of when she first arrived to the States and would invite Americans over for Kaffee and they would say, "That's weird to have dessert before dinner." The concept is often missing entirely from American culture. Yet when we look around the world at so many different cultures we find this afternoon time of refreshment. Even the Japanese with their reputation for overworking still have tea in the afternoon. All public schools and work offices have a 'tea woman' on staff just for serving tea to the employees. In Japan they will often have tea mid-morning as well. The Japanese don't usually stop working for this time and it is served right at the desk but it is permissible to take about a minute to pause and say, "Oh, this tea is delicious." Monday mornings were always the best because if anyone has traveled anywhere over the weekend it is customary to bring 'omiyage' (or the little local confection of where you went) back to the office. So tea is served with a small confection on most days.
But here in Germany it is all about the pastry. Here are a few snippets from our Kaffee yesterday.
We received a call the day before asking if we had time to come for Kaffee the next day. That's it. There's no need to an excuse for a party or fuss about it. I find the most refreshing part of all of this is in the lack of stress about the refined sugar and flour. None of the people here this day were fat and none were stressing about having this during the afternoon. No comments about, "Oh, I really shouldn't, but it does look good." No, "Oh, I'm not doing sugar right now." No, "Oh, we're glutton free." and all the other stuff that I hear oh, so regularly at kiddy functions at home. I mean I get all those issues and have a major allergy child myself but it is sooo lovely to have a break from all of that and just enjoy life, the garden and the delicousness of sugar, flour and butter! yum.
The table is set for all the kids with real plates and glasses even outside. This is all very "Waldorf" yes, but really most things that are "Waldorf" aren't specifically "Waldorf" they're just German. This is not a Waldorf family and they have plenty of plastic toys inside and the children go to a Jewish school. Yet, if we saw this setting in the States it would very likely be a family that was into Waldorf because it is a very rare American family that uses dishes and glasses with children- particularly outdoors! All the children would likely have water bottles or sippy cups and they probably would not be sitting down or even using a plate.
These two are so fun to watch- the one of the left a 4 yr old English speaker and the one on the right a 5 year old German speaker. They are very similar in temperament and get along fabulously- each always telling the other what to do and neither understanding the other. That could be the key to their getting along! They can't even fight.
I love how this photo is flanked by pregnant women!
Babies and big kids all together. This little one was sooo cute. Also, the warmth thing is definitely German as well. Temps yesterday were mid 70's and this little one has on tights under her jeans, a long sleeved onsie, a shirt and a sweater, socks and a hat. That's normal and you'd find it pretty much on any young child here. I know this is one area where Waldorf teachers struggle immensely with Americans. On a whole we do not dress our children anywhere near as warmly as they do here. I really think it makes for a much more settled baby though. I am a huge advocate of bundling the babes. In preschool I would often have this talk with parents that would bring their toddlers in the morning in sun dresses and sandals when it was in the lower 60's in the am. I would have sweaters on hand and put a sweater on them but still bare feet and bare legs typically makes for whiney children prone to causing upset when playing with others. I have found through years of experience that warm children really do tend to be more settled and calmer.
That being said, here is mine in a tank! haha. She started the day with a turtleneck underneath and a sweater on top though. Then the peeling began.
These days in the States we have this concept of a 'play date' that revolves around the children and I actually find that quite unhealthy. I think it's out of whack- not balanced. I believe it is out of our own yearning for social connection so bringing the kids together to play is a lovely idea- but wouldn't it feel better if it were just a time to get together as a family (whatever form that takes) that is meant for everyone, wouldn't it? In many play dates I find the parents hovering over the children, even watching them play. I know I've been invited to many that I didn't particularly enjoy. Usually each mother brings their own snacks that often are not even shared due to dietary restrictions, but rarely is there a lovely tea served where everyone sits down to enjoy it and then the kids just get up and go play when they're finished, the adults stick around the table talking. I wonder how we got so far away from a more relaxed atmosphere of enjoying life. This is one of the many oxymorons I see about us Americans. We appear so relaxed in so many ways- our dress, attitude and all of that- yet, we seem to have a rather difficult time actually relaxing. I was more relaxed at this Kaffee yesterday, with this group of Germans- who typically appear a bit more regimented and rigid than most Americans- than I do in the company of many Americans at home. The children all seemed so contently relaxed knowing their parents are close by but not needing them. There was no micromanaging by the parents and everyone actually enjoyed themselves. I have definitely left play dates far more exhausted than when I arrived. But this was actually like a vacation. We all left feeling refreshed and relaxed. It could of course be the setting! Gorgeous as all get out, right??? All this yard and totally fenced in. But I think it had far more to do with the attitude of the parents and attention off of the children than the setting. I know at home when I go to a large park with a good friend that has a similar parenting style than me (hands off) I feel the same way. But when we've been invited by someone from a dance class or from school and it is initiated by the kids, I am often so beat at the end of 2 hours I feel like I need to lock myself in a closet for an hour just to recover. This was essentially one of those meetings. We met due to the kids at the park and were invited over. So this is not a case of the parents being friends and wanting to hang out. It was pretty much a 'play date.' But better in every way.
I see this phenomenon of parents having adult conversations and children playing happily nearby in nearly every other culture but American. It is a rare event that I can have a conversation with a parent without the kids constantly interrupting, the parents micromanaging the children, directing the play, getting involved with the conflicts, etc. etc. I rarely can have a phone call home for more than a minute with the person on the other line not talking to their children for more of the time than with me. It is so lovely to step into whole other cultures where parents are not run by their children in a frantic way. I don't see how we can expect to raise respectful children when we allow them to interrupt constantly. I do not interrupt my children or demand that they clean up in the middle of their games and do something for me and I expect them to be courteous to me as well. So often I see parents who attempt at being 'respectful' to their children allow themselves to be treated quite awfully in return. I don't get that at all. You know since we teach by example. I see so many parents understanding half of this equation. "Ok, they'll learn from me how to treat others because they see me treating others with respect." they think. But they forget that they are also teaching the child how to be treated. If we allow our children to boss us around, interrupt us and make demands on us while we're in the middle of something else- we are also teaching them that it is ok for them to be treated like that by others. Common courtesy is not an American norm, where it is in many other cultures.
