is not something I often write about. I don't think of myself as a single parent all that often. I just think of myself as a Mom. It's not something that I try to hide or pretend I'm not, it's just not often relevant to what I'm writing about. I know a lot of blogging moms are stay at home moms with working husbands. I am a working mom who stays home and homeschools one child, volunteers at the other child's school and works late into the night to fit in all that needs to get done on any given day. It's my life. Even when I was married, the girls' dad used to travel half the year and was gone. So, although I did not have the same financial responsibilities that I do now, I've been used to doing long stretches of time without breaks.
Quite frankly, my life is a lot easier now that I'm not married than when I was. When most people talk about single parenthood they talk of how hard it is. For me, it's easier. Even spending an evening with married friends in the midst of turmoil makes me feel lucky to be relieved of that kind of stress in my life. Making the decision to leave a marriage is an incredibly stressful process, but for me now that it's complete- it's been 4 years- I feel lucky to still have a good friendship with their dad and that we still function as a happy family, separately. When we go places all together often someone will say, "Oh, you look like such a happy family." I always say, "We are! Because we don't live together anymore." Usually they think I"m kidding- but I'm not. It was extremely challenging. People so often say they stay together for the sake of their children. In my case, I left for the sake of my children. Our home was an energetic nightmare. We did not fight in front of the kids, but I felt like my body was going to give out on me if I kept living that life of inner discord. We did not like each other. We met while traveling in our early 20's and neither one of us knew ourselves enough to be honest with each other about what we wanted in life, let alone a mate. When I filed for divorce I felt only relief. I never even cried- and I'm a crier! I knew it was the right thing to do.
He still travels a lot and calls in to talk to the girls and we still often talk for an hour or more on the phone. We even still travel together sometimes. There is a particular bond that develops when sharing children with a person that goes far beyond licenses of marriage. Our relationship is far healthier now than it ever was while we were married. When I say that to people they automatically assume we're getting back together. That is not anywhere near the case. That phase is clearly over and a practical, rather impersonal friendship has taken it's place.
I needed to provide an updated photo to a local newspaper for an article they're doing on The Little Travelers. I realized I didn't have any family shots with the little sister's new front teeth, so I hit up my niece to snap a few. Something about looking at these photos of my family got me thinking about families. It's the one time when I kind of catch myself and think, 'yup, that's my family.' It looks small to me. I'm often around a lot of people and children that sometimes it takes me by surprises to look at the three of us and think, that's it. The girls still have requests on their birthdays and such for 'the whole family' to do something together. When just the three of us are together I don't feel like we're missing anything. I do not mind attending parent evenings alone as I've gone to movies most of my life alone. I'm quite an independent, solitary type who doesn't mind those things. But I did always envision myself to have a very large family when I was a child. I would read books about people who adopted 20 or more children and always assumed I would be one. I no longer have that desire as it would be a nightmare to travel with that many children- haha. I'm not living the life I thought I'd be living when I was a child, but it is the deliberate life I've set out to live for myself as an adult. Different than I thought, different than I imagined, but definitely good.
Photos taken by Emma, age 8. I prefer having my photos taken by a child because they view the world differently than adults.