was at the little sister's school last night. This is one of my favorite festivals of the year. It celebrates St. Martin who cut his cloak in half giving half to a freezing beggar on a cold winter night. Walking through the darkness with our lanterns while singing songs has a real sweetness to it that I love. Well, in theory. No matter how hard the staff tries to inform the parents about the mood of the festival they do not seem capable of being able to simply hold a sacred space throughout the walk. Special notes are sent home ahead of time requesting a reflective and meditative mood. The idea is to move through the night singing softly observing all the little lights moving through the darkness. Yet, most parents are unable to do it. Most of the children are singing and many parents just can't hold the focus and begin idle chit chat. Other parents start shushing them but they giggle and keep up the talking in a softer tone. Why is it so difficult for us to simply hold in silence? Why do we often feel compelled to fill up space with words?
This is the time of year when we're moving into winter and while the natural world begins its slumber the soul awakens more fully ready to do its work. Winter is the time of inner reflection and work on ourselves. And just as the little lanterns move through the night while we sing,
Walking with my lantern into the night
Chasing the shadows away with light
Within, within
My light will never dim
that part of us that is Light can chase away our own shadows. The only thing that can ever remove darkness is light. Yet, at the same time even the brightest light still casts a shadow. These are the hypocrisies of life. Some days I embrace them fully and other times I cringe at them wishing so much that everything had just one right answer and I had the answer key to sneak a peak. Right now as we are preparing for our trip to a very unknown land for me I feel quite ready to be challenged on many levels. I know that I'm going to be rethinking many things on this trip. I'm sure I will come across quite a few contradictions that send my head spinning for a while until I can make some sort of sense out of it.
This is actually my favorite part of travel. Yes, I love the architecture, food, smells and people, but really I like getting to know myself on a deeper level and this always happens for me when traveling. Before I had a beer bottle thrown at my head in Jamaica attached to a slur of 'Whitey' I did not know how I would respond to that. Until I was kicked out of warming hut on Mt. Fuji because I was a gaijin I did not know that I would put up a physical fight and cling to a post in the hut, lose the fight and be physically removed, laugh about it and try it again, and again. Until finally our Japanese guide arrived and told them we had reservations at which point I was allowed in. I maturely stuck my tongue out at the gentleman (huh, um) that removed me multiple times. Those are the events that trigger the deeper soul searching that inevitably follows. For me, a moderate insomniac, that means very little sleep and a whole lot of thinking once my head hits the pillow that night. Why did that happen? Have I done similar things? Have I ever made anyone feel like that? What makes people feel justified in their ideas of separation? Is it human nature or learned behavior? What are my blind spots where separation is concerned? This is when I feel very grateful to have good honest friends in my life whom I can ask. They are usually are quite happy to tell me. It is not enough to question the outer world, we must go deeper into ourselves and ask the difficult questions. Who have I hurt? How can I change? How can I grow? What is the learning in the situation for my life?
As we move into the darker months here in the northern hemisphere, what light can we bring to ourselves and to the world? As we move towards the season of gratitude and sharing our thanks with those around us and into the season of Light and birth, let us all contemplate where we will spread that light. There is no dark switch in this world. A single match can illuminate an entire room. Where will you strike yours?
