the little travelers * travel notes

east vs. west

We just went to see Ponyo today and it was soo sweet.  It's Miyazaki's newest film, which is based on Hans Christian Anderson's, The Little Mermaid.   It couldn't have been farther from Disney's version, which pretty much sums up why I liked it.  It is really the reason I love to read Eastern fairy and folk tales to the girls and not just Western ones like Grimm's.  I think in most cases it comes down to a difference in world view, which basically boils down to religious differences.  In this case we're looking at the difference between a Christian version vs. a Buddhist version of this story, The Little Mermaid.  

First, let's just compare the trailers:  You'll notice Disney bought this and put the voices on it as well as enhanced the colors to look more "American."  The Japanese version looks more like a watercolor painting.  However, Disney did not make the film.  Their choice of voice over and music differs considerably though from the original.  A real child sings the main song in a very authentic way and the voices are softer and simpler.

 

And The Little Mermaid:  This is a Disney production from start to finish.  Although this is when Disney began using mostly Japanese animators and took on more of a manga look to it that has lasted, the story and production are American Disney.

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Without giving too much away if you haven't seen Ponyo yet, here's the part I enjoy about Eastern tales.  In both stories the spell needed to be broken by the kiss of true love.  Yet in the Ponyo version it was a non-sexual love- an unconditional love in the friendship sense.  The characters were both 5 years old.  In the Disney version Ariel is highly sexualized and the love is turned into a romantic love.  So, what does this have to do with Buddhism and Christianity???   Well, not much.  I mean that part of the story, anyway.  But I find it irritating and inappropriate for young children.

But here's the part where I really appreciate the Eastern versions.  In Ponyo, both the mother (feminine) and her father (masculine) work together in supporting the boy to love Ponyo unconditionally.  It comes down to one simple decision.  That's it.  There is no drama, fight, killing another to overcome 'evil' and set things straight.  He just has to love unconditionally.

In stark contrast to Disney's version (really all Disney films and most Grimm's tales have this same theme), where 'good' conquers 'evil.'  Let's think about this.  Good must conquer evil for good to win.  Ariel's father had to kill the sea witch.  How many times have we seen this one go down in history in the name of Christianity.  Um, there were the witch trials, taking all power within the church away from women, turning the holy trinity, that many historians say were 3 Goddesses originally,  into The Father, The Son and the Holy Spirit.  Ok, a man, a man and an androgynous being.  The killing of the feminine of course represents killing off of intuition and connection with others and turning it into a roll of 'obeying the Father.'  Ariel disobeyed her father, then payed a price, repented and the Father conquered evil for her in the end sending the sea witch into eternal hell and damnation.  Fine, if that suits your world view.

Ponyo's version goes something like this:  Ponyo disobeys her father and sneaks up to the earth, he finds her and she tells him she wants to be human.  He goes to the Sea Queen and together the two confront the little boy and ask him if he can truly love her unconditionally for who she is- half human/ half fish and he says yes.  All who witness it are born a new and are healed of their ailments (old ladies no longer need wheel chairs, etc.)  

So, it really comes down to what your own world view is and then what you choose to expose your children to.  Now, I'm not saying that the true origins of Christianity are based in violence.  I don't think they were.  Nor do I think what most people consider to be Christianity today has much to do with the teachings of Christ.  But the Christianity that many currently subscribe to is filled with quite a bit of violent ideas and images that play out in many children's stories and I don't think many people give much thought to it at all.  

Another very good example is the difference between Grimm's, Mother Holle and the Indonesian folk tale called The Two Sisters, found in Balinese Children's Stories.  The stories are nearly identical except the 'old woman' in the Grimm's is a witch and in the Eastern version she's a 'wise old woman.'  In Grimm's it ends with one sister covered in black ash for the rest of her days (eternal damnation in hell).  In The Two Sisters, the one sister is loved back to wholeness and returns to the family (reincarnation, forgiveness and redemption).  

The thing I appreciate most about the Eastern tales is that it gives children guidance into the power of love and forgiveness- that love itself can heal all things.  It doesn't leave you at the mercy of some big all- powerful, judgmental MAN in the sky wondering if he's going to grant you forgiveness or not.  The responsibility lies in each individual and comes down to a simple choice:  Will I choose to love and heal the situation, or not?  As the father in Ponyo said, "All of humanity depends upon it."  I couldn't agree with him more.

cooperation and punishment

I have long believed that punishing children does not lead to cooperative family environments and recently got a little more confirmation of this than I would've liked, quite frankly.  There is a family that we have contact with about once a year.  We've had very different parenting styles from the get go but now that the kids are all between 8 and 10 years old the difference are showing up more than ever.  As toddlers the parents always excused the kids' behavior based on age, but now that they are all in the middle years those same excuses don't really fly.  No one is a toddler anymore.  The main thing that stood out for me was the other girls lack of compassion.  Whenever they hurt someone else their first response was, "Are you going to tell on me?"  They were relatively unconcerned with the person that they hurt.  There were no signs of visible remorse or regret- only fear that they would be getting in trouble.  And equally disturbing was their seeming pleasure with trying to get the others 'into trouble.'  "Into trouble" in their house means: spankings, time-outs and getting TV and video games taken away from them.  We do not have "getting in trouble" in our house, nor TV or video games for that matter.  We simply talk about things, or hug each other and resolve the situation at hand.  If one of my girls hurts the other they usually both come to me to ask what it needs- ice, arnica, a band-aid?

But there is not shouting and screaming, "She did ____ to me!" as was the situation in our house all of last week.

Now, I think all of the far reaching, long-term detriment to raising children in a punishment driven model are quite obvious so there's no need to even write it.  This has been so well researched and documented over the past 40 years in particular, it is absolutely SHOCKING to me than anyone still does this to their kids.  But they do.  And most of the people in this family's church are still encouraged by the pastor to do the same.  And all in the name of God and Christianity.  I know I'm too close to the situation right now to have anything constructive to say on the topic.  All I can say right now is that it turns my stomach and makes me mad.  I know it should be none of my business how other people raise their kids, but ultimately we all share one world, right?  One world that could be brought together where people care about each other and work together.  I guess right now I'm just soooo confused how the teachings of Jesus could be used as a justification for filling children with hatred at such a young age.  These girls said, "I hate you." so often to each other and anyone else around whenever their parents weren't watching.  They derive pleasure out of causing pain to each other and others and haven't a clue what it means to work together cooperatively.  So the parents punish them even more believing that they have been given a 'difficult one' because God knew they could handle it.  What a crock of @#$!!  Not exactly an uplifting post, I know.  But sometimes I just wonder how we ever got this far removed from anything that could possibly make sense.    

lessons from the river

What, no pictures???  Well, we went tubing down a river- so nope, did not bring the camera!  But here's what struck me...  There were 11 of us in all -all tied together drifting down the river.  My cousin is in town from Germany with his son, whom we stayed with in Germany about 2 months ago.  It's been so great because all of the second cousins (the kids)  were already comfortably acquainted with each other.  Unlike last year where it took a few days for each to try to speak to the other since they do not know each other's language.  This trip is great.  Mine seem to intuitively understand German all of a sudden and his son is really doing excellent in English.

So anyway, there we were with wild horses on the banks of the river floating along when our first little rapids hit.  Suddenly we were all flinging all over the place- I got a rock right in my tailbone leaving a rather impressive bruise, one niece got her back scratched up, we got pushed to the side of the river with bamboo and low tree branches scratching our faces, backs and pulling our hair.  Everyone was shouting and screeching but above all the ruckus was laughter.  Good hearty, oh, my- I think I may pee- LAUGHTER!  After the rapids we hit a pool of still water and all of us began paddling back into the current.   In the stillness there was debris and murk in the water and we all wanted to keep on moving.  All of us concurred that it would be great if the whole river was one long rapid!  The thrill of the ride was well worth the minor injuries!  

So I got to thinking...How come I can't approach my entire life like that?  Why is it that I'm constantly teased into the notion that "If only..." - The fill in's here are endless...  If only I had a certain amount of money in my account, the right hair, my kids behaved this way, I had this contract, etc.  THEN I would be completely at peace.  Isn't that what many of the avatars through the ages have taught?  That stillness and peace is what we're looking for?  Then why did none of us want to stay in the still part of the river?  Wasn't it the contrast and thrill of the resistance of water on rock that delighted us most?

So, I thought it's good for a little reframe of my daily life.  I've heard it said before that, 'out of contrast are born new desires,'  - so at least for right now I'm ready to embrace the ride and not wish it away for some sort of imaginary 'peace.'   I mean, it's all semantics - because in embracing the chaos I feel more peaceful...  So maybe that is the key.  Who knows?  Certainly not me...

temperaments- a day in the life

One of the most frequently emailed questions I get is about the temperaments.  I've written about it quite a few times before but today's lunch at the park seemed like a perfect opportunity to do a little blow by blow tutorial or sorts.  I've decided to take all definitions of the temperaments straight from Wikipedia(in blue) today to keep this as objective as possible since I'll be looking at my own children and those of my brother while playing at the park.  I was using my telephoto lens and was under a tree just observing what was happening with no agenda in mind.  I didn't think of using these photos for this post until after I looked at them and noticed how well they show cased each temperament.  I was thinking of writing about trying to perfect our ranch dressing recipe. So I did not shoot these with stereotyping them into these roles.  They did that on their own just fine!  haha.  I find this so much more fascinating than ranch dressing though!

First let's take a look at the walk to the park.  The big girl holding the small child's hand is our choleric.  She typically walks way ahead of the rest but because she's holding the hand of the slower child she's not quite as far ahead as usual.  The next tallest on the left in front in our melancholic.  Note she is looking down at the ground while walking.  The one in the groovy knee socks is phlegmatic and in the back and the little one is also pretty phlegmatic and pretty much needs to nearly be pulled forward to actually go anywhere.  Then there is the sanguine off to the side catching butterflies, picking dandelions- anything off the path.  

Now let's introduce the individual temperaments.  First we have our choleric.  Wiki says, "season of summer (dry and hot), and the element of fire. A person who is choleric is a doer and a leader. They have a lot of ambition, energy, and passion, and try to instill it in others. They can dominate people of other temperaments, especially phlegmatic types. Many great charismatic military and political figures were cholerics. On the negative side, they are easily angered or bad-tempered."

This is Tigger from the Pooh characters.  Full of life and big on emotion but can run hot and cold with quite a bit of pouting going on.  Waldorf teachers typically recommend fighting fire with fire in the case of a choleric.  They need to know their limits loud and clear but will push them.  Sometimes it can work to throw water on the fire - ignoring a tantrum usually works best- but feeding it by saying, 'What's wrong?"  will only make the fire burn stronger and eventually it will burn out of control.

Next is our melancholic (Eyore):

 "A person who is a thoughtful ponderer has a melancholicdisposition. Often very kind and considerate, melancholics can be highly creative – as in poetry and art - but also can become overly pre-occupied with the tragedy and cruelty in the world, thus becoming depressed. The temperament is associated with the season of fall/autumn (dry and cold) and the element earth. A melancholic is also often a perfectionist, being very particular about what they want and how they want it in some cases. This often results in being unsatisfied with one's own artistic or creative works and always pointing out to themselves what could and should be improved.

You can see here she is not off on her own pouting, just in her own world and thoughts.  

You can see it in her posture and many melancholics tend to have a slight frame- tall and thin.

Here she is bringing 'the choleric' veggies dipped in ranch so the choleric does not need to get off the swing and risk someone else taking it.  They are both playing their roles perfectly.  It's situations like these that I'm grateful for knowledge of the temperaments.  Sometimes I'll be at a park with friends who are more traditionally psychology based and see these interactions as manipulative and one dominating the other.  Yes, I would agree that potential is here- yet, knowing their temperaments and seeing how they play out and then addressing it through story and other ways that are less direct feels so much better to me than getting involved in this situation by yelling over to them, "Get it yourself!"  or to my own child, "Don't get it for her.  Make her get it herself."  which is what I've seen many parents do.  Remember these girls are both 9 so they are in the middle years so they are now primarily in their emotions and heart space so using story as a way to address these issues is perfect.  Also through things like form drawing - when we do form drawings together I usually have the choleric do spirals starting from the outside going in and the melancholic doing the opposite- in to out.  It's seems a funny way to address this situation but I find it works quite well.

Next. behold our little sanguine (Piglet)- the only one is this house of 8 right now!

Wiki says, "Sanguine indicates the personality of an individual with the temperament of blood, Night, the season of spring (wet and hot), and the classical element of air. A person who is sanguine is generally light-hearted, funloving, a people person, loves to entertain, spontaneous, and confident. However they can be arrogant, cocky, and indulgent. He/She can be day-dreamy and off-task to the point of not accomplishing anything and can be impulsive, possibly acting on whims in an unpredictable fashion. (I will note here that the sanguine temperament is the overriding temperament of all children but there are usually individual temperaments as well.  When you've got a sanguine child it's kind of a double whammy!)

This chipper little thing is who wakes up the whole house every morning with a big happy, "good morning!!"  while everyone else groans.  She talks all through breakfast while everyone else stares at their plate and eats.  She actually never really stops talking at any given point during the day.  She's like a little energizer bunny.  Sanguines typically skip rather than walk and are very light on their feet- often walk on tip-toes and behave almost like a flitting butterfly landing here and there and everywhere.  This one wanders off and says hello to everyone she passes.  It is a good idea to hold hands with a sanguine when in busy public places or near a street.  Even when they know better their body seems to have a mind of its own and just takes them all over the place.  I find sanguines need a very strong rhythm in their daily lives more than the others.  Cholerics too.  

She and other sanguines I know are extremely sensitive to sugar and can easily spin out of control resulting in whiney fits and crying.  I'm not a big fan of puzzles for young ones (she's 4) because I think their time is better spent playing creatively but she is one that I find puzzles actually help to ground and bring a bit of earth into this very airy gal.  I found a great puzzle the other day with 70 pieces in it and it really works to sit down with her one and one and work the puzzle together when she's headed for outer space.

Then there are our two phlegmatics (Pooh):

Wiki says, A phlegmatic person is calm and unemotional.  Corresponds to the season of winter (wet and cold), and connotes the element of water.

While phlegmatics are generally self-content and kind, their shy personality can often inhibit enthusiasm in others and make themselves lazy and resistant to change. They are very consistent, relaxed, rational, curious, and observant, making them good administrators and diplomats. Like the sanguine personality, the phlegmatic has many friends. However the phlegmatic is more reliable and compassionate; these characteristics typically make the phlegmatic a more dependable friend.  

They really love their food and can tend to overeat and become overly sedentary (classic couch potato).  They are typically home bodies that enjoy cooking and domestic type activities.  And like Pooh really love sweets!  I sometimes find cookies or even fruit hidden under her pillow to snack on at night.  These are the kids that would rather fall off the swing by swinging with one hand and a cookie in the other rather than let it go.  They are usually excellent sleepers- my 7 year old still at 12 hours per night.  

They also really like to gather and collect things.  You'll often find the little one with her shirt being used as a carrying case full of toys moving them from one area to the next.  They like arranging their collections - lining up trains, stones and the like you'll often see.

So there's my wrap up of the temperaments.  Again, I think understanding them can be an invaluable tool to use for parents to better understand our children rather than to label them or typecast them.  The goal for adults is to become balanced in all four.  When we watch and know our children's strengths as well as their weaknesses and find ways to support them I think they stand the best chance in later life.  Yelling "hurry up" to a phlegmatic is not helpful or making them feel like there is something wrong with them "Why are you so slow?  Why are you always last?"  is not helpful.  But understanding that they are deep in thought and not in such a hurry to move from point A to point B is helpful info for me.  And it also makes parenting more specific to each child.  You can't expect a choleric and a sanguine child to get from point A to point B in the same fashion.  So all that, "Why can't you be like your sister?" is thrown out of the window.  

I leave you with a little verse from A journey through time in verse and rhyme:

Lightly the sanguine one jumps over the stone

Quick and with grace

If he trips he cares not

With a laugh he is on his way

 

Grimly the choleric kicks at the stone

Hurling it out of his way.

As he exalts in his strength

See how his eye flashes fire.

 

Now the phlegmatic appears

And pensively slows down his step

“If this stone will not move from my path

Then I must go around it, that’s all.”

 

Silently stands by the stone

Brooding, the melancholy one,

Grumbling and plunged in despair

At his eternal bad luck.

A great book is Children and their Temperaments for more info on the subject.

Kaffee

Like the English with their tea, the Germans have their Kaffee.  Not a time to necessarily drink coffee but to have tea or coffee or juice for the kids and pastry in the afternoon.  My mom tells stories of when she first arrived to the States and would invite Americans over for Kaffee and they would say, "That's weird to have dessert before dinner."  The concept is often missing entirely from American culture.  Yet when we look around the world at so many different cultures we find this afternoon time of refreshment.  Even the Japanese with their reputation for overworking still have tea in the afternoon.  All public schools and work offices have a 'tea woman' on staff just for serving tea to the employees.  In Japan they will often have tea mid-morning as well.  The Japanese don't usually stop working for this time and it is served right at the desk but it is permissible to take about a minute to pause and say, "Oh, this tea is delicious."  Monday mornings were always the best because if anyone has traveled anywhere over the weekend it is customary to bring 'omiyage' (or the little local confection of where you went) back to the office.  So tea is served with a small confection on most days.

But here in Germany it is all about the pastry.  Here are a few snippets from our Kaffee yesterday.

We received a call the day before asking if we had time to come for Kaffee the next day.  That's it.  There's no need to an excuse for a party or fuss about it.  I find the most refreshing part of all of this is in the lack of stress about the refined sugar and flour.  None of the people here this day were fat and none were stressing about having this during the afternoon.  No comments about, "Oh, I really shouldn't, but it does look good."  No, "Oh, I'm not doing sugar right now."  No, "Oh, we're glutton free." and all the other stuff that I hear oh, so regularly at kiddy functions at home.  I mean I get all those issues and have a major allergy child myself but it is sooo lovely to have a break from all of that and just enjoy life, the garden and the delicousness of sugar, flour and butter!  yum.

The table is set for all the kids with real plates and glasses even outside.  This is all very "Waldorf" yes, but really most things that are "Waldorf" aren't specifically "Waldorf" they're just German.  This is not a Waldorf family and they have plenty of plastic toys inside and the children go to a Jewish school.  Yet, if we saw this setting in the States it would very likely be a family that was into Waldorf because it is a very rare American family that uses dishes and glasses with children- particularly outdoors!  All the children would likely have water bottles or sippy cups and they probably would not be sitting down or even using a plate.

These two are so fun to watch- the one of the left a 4 yr old English speaker and the one on the right a 5 year old German speaker.  They are very similar in temperament and get along fabulously- each always telling the other what to do and neither understanding the other.  That could be the key to their getting along!  They can't even fight.

I love how this photo is flanked by pregnant women!

Babies and big kids all together.  This little one was sooo cute.  Also, the warmth thing is definitely German as well.  Temps yesterday were mid 70's and this little one has on tights under her jeans, a long sleeved onsie, a shirt and a sweater, socks and a hat.  That's normal and you'd find it pretty much on any young child here.  I know this is one area where Waldorf teachers struggle immensely with Americans.  On a whole we do not dress our children anywhere near as warmly as they do here.  I really think it makes for a much more settled baby though.  I am a huge advocate of bundling the babes.  In preschool I would often have this talk with parents that would bring their toddlers in the morning in sun dresses and sandals when it was in the lower 60's in the am.  I would have sweaters on hand and put a sweater on them but still bare feet and bare legs typically makes for whiney children prone to causing upset when playing with others.  I have found through years of experience that warm children really do tend to be more settled and calmer.

That being said, here is mine in a tank! haha.  She started the day with a turtleneck underneath and a sweater on top though.  Then the peeling began.

These days in the States we have this concept of a 'play date' that revolves around the children and I actually find that quite unhealthy.  I think it's out of whack- not balanced.  I believe it is out of our own yearning for social connection so bringing the kids together to play is a lovely idea- but wouldn't it feel better if it were just a time to get together as a family (whatever form that takes) that is meant for everyone, wouldn't it?  In many play dates I find the parents hovering over the children, even watching them play.  I know I've been invited to many that I didn't particularly enjoy.  Usually each mother brings their own snacks that often are not even shared due to dietary restrictions, but rarely is there a lovely tea served where everyone sits down to enjoy it and then the kids just get up and go play when they're finished, the adults stick around the table talking.  I wonder how we got so far away from a more relaxed atmosphere of enjoying life.  This is one of the many oxymorons I see about us Americans.  We appear so relaxed in so many ways- our dress, attitude and all of that- yet, we seem to have a rather difficult time actually relaxing.  I was more relaxed at this Kaffee yesterday, with this group of Germans- who typically appear a bit more regimented and rigid than most Americans- than I do in the company of many Americans at home.  The children all seemed so contently relaxed knowing their parents are close by but not needing them.  There was no micromanaging by the parents and everyone actually enjoyed themselves.  I have definitely left play dates far more exhausted than when I arrived.  But this was actually like a vacation.  We all left feeling refreshed and relaxed.  It could of course be the setting!  Gorgeous as all get out, right???  All this yard and totally fenced in.  But I think it had far more to do with the attitude of the parents and attention off of the children than the setting.  I know at home when I go to a large park with a good friend that has a similar parenting style than me (hands off) I feel the same way.  But when we've been invited by someone from a dance class or from school and it is initiated by the kids, I am often so beat at the end of 2 hours I feel like I need to lock myself in a closet for an hour just to recover. This was essentially one of those meetings.  We met due to the kids at the park and were invited over.  So this is not a case of the parents being friends and wanting to hang out.  It was pretty much a 'play date.'  But better in every way. 

I see this phenomenon of parents having adult conversations and children playing happily nearby in nearly every other culture but American.  It is a rare event that I can have a conversation with a parent without the kids constantly interrupting, the parents micromanaging the children, directing the play, getting involved with the conflicts, etc. etc.  I rarely can have a phone call home for more than a minute with the person on the other line not talking to their children for more of the time than with me.  It is so lovely to step into whole other cultures where parents are not run by their children in a frantic way.  I don't see how we can expect to raise respectful children when we allow them to interrupt constantly.  I do not interrupt my children or demand that they clean up in the middle of their games and do something for me and I expect them to be courteous to me as well.  So often I see parents who attempt at being 'respectful' to their children allow themselves to be treated quite awfully in return.  I don't get that at all.  You know since we teach by example.  I see so many parents understanding half of this equation.  "Ok, they'll learn from me how to treat others because they see me treating others with respect." they think.  But they forget that they are also teaching the child how to be treated.  If we allow our children to boss us around, interrupt us and make demands on us while we're in the middle of something else- we are also teaching them that it is ok for them to be treated like that by others.  Common courtesy is not an American norm, where it is in many other cultures.

trains & witches

We went to one of the world's largest train sets yesterday.  I think this is something like 'the 8th wonder of the world.'  I have been to sooo many '8th wonders' in so many countries I lost track years ago.  According to the website this is 'the world's biggest.'  But then the one in Hamburg claims the same- and probably countless others as well.  In any case, it was big and the girls were totally into it.  They happen to have an Opa who is obsessed with trains.  Growing up in our house Christmas was as much about my dad revealing the newest version of his train set than the presents under the tree.  We had a set as big as the entire garage.  It was on huge chains so it could be lowered when needed and raised back up to the ceiling for regular garage usage.  So I couldn't really pass up visiting the world's alleged biggest, now could I?

Our trip begins at our local train station that practically looks fake.

This place was in a huge mall- not my favorite place to go.  It is a huge modern ugly building but at least they let in the surrounding view!

Just a quick note on the rucksack- My spending and shopping addiction continues here- I can't help myself!  But if I bought it at an Oxfam thrift store it's really like giving to charity, right?  So I ought to say my tithing continues?  I am so in love with this thing I can hardly stand it.  

A store window on the way to the train set.  Hmm... interesting  I really don't get this shirt at all since this is a Levi's store, which I believe is still an American company.  I mean I get that our dollar is dead and uncle Sam is a relic, but does Levi's sell this shirt in the US as well I'm wondering?  Would it be an outrage to sell it in the US but popular here because much of the world is cheering as we are in economic failure right now?  I mean, I get political satire in t-shirts, but I don't get a major clothing corporation that is ultimately about sales and share holders and all of that putting out a shirt like this. Maybe the majority of shareholders are foreign?  It seems like in the US that everything even remotely offensive is not 'endorsed' and therefor drops out of the market immediately.  So a shirt like this would only be found from a small independent company that specialized in offensive material.  But this is a completely mainstream store in a mall.  It confuses me! Maybe some of you can shed some light on this or have some insight I'm completely missing here??

Here's the view of one side of it.  All photos taken by the girls- I was busy filming.

This cracked me up.  Look closely at the woman sunbathing on her back- yup, authentically topless.

There goes the witch!  On my way home I was thinking about Hansel and Gretel.  A popular interpretation of the tale is about the kids leaving home (their spiritual home) and going out into the world and getting distracted by all of the temptations out there (cookies and candies).  Of course these temptations house dark forces (the witch) which then try to take over.  Those forces must be stopped consciously (by shoving in the oven and closing the door) so they may once again return to their home wiser for their experiences yet connected again back with Spirit/God/Universal Truth.  

So I was thinking about my life right now and one of my temptations that has taken hold of me.  I am living with my brother and family so it's very different than living alone with my children where I am 'in charge' of all of our living circumstances and rhythms.  Here, we are in their home so their lifestyle sort of dominates.  That being said, I still have choices to make that I haven't been exactly pleased with.  Under normal circumstances I work at night after my girls are in bed.  That's when I edit video and do all of that.  But here the computer I use for work is the computer that is needed for watching American DVDs.  My brother and wife's habit is to watch American TV on DVD at night when the kids are in bed.  I don't typically watch TV at home and when I do it is usually the Food Network or The Travel Channel.  The last time I watched a TV drama was Northern Exposure in college.  

But nearly every night since arriving here I have spent my nights watching some show called Mr. Monk.  He is a homicide detective with OCD.  There is nothing about a show like this that would typically tempt me.  I'm very particular about what I allow in to my consciousness and what I give my attention to.  I do not watch movies about murder or violence and haven't for over 20 years.  Until now!  I sit and watch this show because I can't work.  But what about reading???  I'm always desperate for more time to read when at home.  I brought books with me I've been wanting to finish.  And yet this temptation looms.  It's entertaining.  We eat chocolate while we watch TV.  How can this be me??  What about snacking on goji berries while reading something uplifting?  That's me. 

A few nights of something like this would be fine as a complete break from my own life to participate in the lives of another family.  But we are on the 6th season!!  Let me repeat- we have completed 5 seasons so far!  I didn't even know TV shows came on seasons for purchase.  At this point it is a full blown nightly habit.  I know it will disappear once I'm home again but indulging in something like this does not come without opening to door to 'dark' forces.  That darkness to me is about using murder as a form of entertainment.  I have found my thoughts drifting during the day back to some of those episodes how some of those actors were 'killed.'  It is in my awareness and consciousness.  I don't like it there yet keep eating those cookies.  Will my own good sense stop me from doing something I know is not beneficial or will I need to be grabbed by the witch with something dramatic to get my attention to stop my behavior before I change it.  It is something seemingly small and insignificant, but I think particularly as a parent who believes in living that which I'd like to impart in my children a nightly habit of murder-driven entertainment is not who I want to be.  It does not uplift me.  It simply entertains me.  The writing is witty and his neurotic behavior turned to comedy.  But the problem here is none of those things are really funny.  I think back to my yoga teacher telling me I have a weak will.  This is when strong will forces are particularly important.  If anyone has some to spare, can you please airmail them to me immediately?  PLEASE.

What are some of your cookies on the witches house?  What are some of your vices?  I always think by publicly airing our laundry and letting others know what our real life demons are -it empowers us to change them rather than hiding them and pretending they don't exist.  So, please do share!

waldorf in the home conference

The Waldorf in the Home Conference is coming soon!  It's April 25-26 in Sacramento, California.  I meant to post this a long time ago but forgot.  I cannot recommend this conference highly enough.  I've been quite a few times and each time have been more than delighted with the speakers and the information I gained.  If anyone out there homeschools with a bit of Waldorf and want a little more in depth info- these conferences will pay off many times over in the future years with your children.  I still dig out things from a file of mine from a conference I took over 3 years ago.  Whether it be learning how to do a wet on wet water color painting like this:

    

handwork, block crayon coloring, hands on math through the grades, pedagogy, or just meeting other great Waldorf homeschoolers- these are a treat.  You will find yourself renewed, refreshed TOTALLY inspired.  Really, I LOVE these!  Rahima Baldwin, who of course wrote the ol' tried and true standby, You Are Your Child's First Teacher puts on an excellent event. 

   

Not to mention that often vendors like Sarah's Silks are often there with highly discounted goods.  A few years ago I bought my entire gift stash for the year at less than 50% of retail.  

Also, this year Shea Darian will be at the conference.  If you've never had the opportunity to see Shea in person I really recommend it.  Sanctuaries of Childhood is the book I usually give as a shower gift to new moms.  In it is the nighttime verse and meal time verse that I used with my own children and found that book to make such a huge contribution to my parenting and to our family that have really impacted the way we interact with each other.  And Seven Times the Sun  was a very well-used book both with my own children and with my preschoolers. 

I had the great fortune to host Shea in our home a few years ago when she was in town for a conference and I will say she is one of the few authors I've met where I was not disappointed by them in person.  She's the real deal.  And she even had the flu while with us- and was still great!  How many of us can say that?  She is what she portrays herself to be.  I learn so much from this woman just by listening to her for a few short minutes.  When I think about all the people out there and all the books I've read she really stands our from the rest.  It is encounters with real people who speak from real experience with their own children that are the ones who have given me the most insight to this things called parenting.  Her own children are now grown and out of the house - so she speaks from actual experience- not just theory.  I love everything about her.

The two authors of Parenting with Spirit will also be there.  I just finished reading this book and truly loved it!  There were so many great things about it.  It is based on Waldorf methods and focuses primarily on discipline and the practical side or what to do and say.  It is simple and eloquent.  Spending much of my last few years as a Waldorf-inspired preschool teacher had me quite versed in the young years and I am a huge advocate of parenting in Waldorf methods.  But now my youngest is 7 so we are firmly  entrenched in the middle years, which run from 7 to 14.  We are out of the "hands" phase and into the "heart" phase of "Hands, Heart, Head" education.  I was not so clear on how to engage the 'feeling world' of the child when addressing them.  I was just kinda confused on the whole thing.  The teen years of addressing the intellect I get- finally when we can ask, "What do you think about that?"  I can't wait!  Oh, wait- yes, I can.  But these middle years were a bit of a mystery to me and this book really helped.    I should also mention that the book goes into quite a bit of detail on the parent's process in each of these stages.  It is not a parenting book on how to get your kid to do what you want, but rather how to become the person your child would want to be with and emulate.  Big difference!  If I were state-side on April 25-6 I would definitely be attending this conference and attending their session!  The book covers all three stages, early, middle and teen- so might as well buy it when they're young because it'll get lots of use.

The best part of attending sessions in person is asking questions!  Really specific questions.  I like to ask the seemingly most mundane questions to a master Waldorf teacher like, "Based on your experience what is the ideal breakfast?"  You wouldn't believe the answers that come out of these teacher's mouths!  It usually involves fermenting something, growing something and blessing something.  But in any case I have learned SOOO much at these things. 

Honestly though, when I went to my first one when the little sister was only months old and I was still newish to Waldorf- it kind of freaked me out.  I really didn't understand most of what was said to me but I kept coming back.  Eventually I learned what the heck a phlegmatic temperament was, what Anthroposophy meant and what Nourishing Traditions entailed.  I learned to needle felt- my first bear was a nightmare- not only was he lumpy and lame- I didn't get why anyone would want to make one of these things.  About 3 years later at a Waldorf school May festival I saw a needle felted angel and spring fairy and nearly fell over from its beauty.  I sat there with a friend trying to figure out what it was made out of when I suddenly declared, "Oh, I know how to make these."  She looked at me stunned, "You do?"  And I never stopped.  But that was a 3 year lag!  So I always try to remember to be patient with people as well as myself.  Some things just take longer to absorb.  If anyone is in that in between place of thinking about going but wondering if it'll be worth it- I can only say from my own experience that I have found the people presenting at these conferences to be my greatest teachers in parenting.  Go!  And if you don't, remember to check back to their website and go through the cds afterwards.  Get a couple of friends together and each order 1 or 2 and then rotate them.  I used to do this all the time with my friends.  Pool your resources and build your own local 'conference.'  When my kids were still little we'd have a park day where the kids would be happy to be off playing and the moms would have a topic or book to discuss and we'd spend our time growing and improving ourselves rather than sitting around gossiping or talking about where to buy cute clothes on sale.  It really made a difference in all of our lives that we're still very grateful for.

where the wild things are

Two full days spent in the forest with one main thing in mind- frog catching from the creek.  Unfortunately, California has seemed to have lost most of its frogs years ago.  We had them when we were kids but I haven't seen a frog in over 20 years in dear ol' Cali.  But they got frogs here!  And I hate to say it, but this was my girls' very first time ever to catch a real frog in the wild.  Tadpoles galore when in Japan, but no grown ups.  A few years ago I cheated when we built a toad home and I knew Mr. Toad would not find his way to his lovely new home, so I actually ordered some online and put them out in the garden without being seen.  Sad, but so effective!  They were so happy to find not one but three frogs out in the garden in the morning.

The catch!  

A froggy kind of hug.

Then they wanted to feed them so went looking for some froggy grub.

And  yes, they did offer this huge thing to the frogs though he was nearly as big as the frog.

There were tons of dogs here having the time of their lives.

As I was sitting down on a log on the side of the water I hear a woman shout, "Wilder Schwein!" I look up and a big, fat, huge, ugly, snorting wild boar is heading directly towards my head!  Since I'm sitting on the ground he is at eye level charging straight ahead.  I miraculously jump up and over about 3 feet in one swift move and manage to save myself.   The boar charges on chasing down some dogs.  All the people in the forest start shouting and running away with their dogs and as much as I would've liked to stick around to catch a good photo of this pig, we instead ran in the opposite direction up a hill and out of the forest!  We were all laughing a crazy, frenetic laugh that really says, OMG I can't believe that just happened! The bummer of course is that now we're all chicken to go back to the forest.  The forest we fell in love with and spent over 8 hours in this past weekend.  The forest with the frog creek and the miles of trees with excellent little picnic spots that we had all sorts of plans for in the warming weather.  I mention it to my mom on the phone and she immediately reminds me that the little boy in the Thornbirds was killed by a wild boar in the forest.  Great.  Though I never read this literary masterpiece I trust that they investigated the wild boar aspect of it thoroughly.

So, on another note while our little frog catching escapade looks completely idyllic in photos, in reality the Germans in the forest that day, as many other days- have a bit of a challenge minding their own business.  I had numerous people expressing to me their disapproval of me letting my children catch frogs.  Everything from it being dangerous for them to lean over the water to it not being right to scare the frogs.  One woman stood for 10 minutes fully engaged in a monologue about how she killed little animals as a child so I really shouldn't be allowing it.  I assured her no animals would be killed today and let the children be.  Keep in mind the entire time her dog was running through the water.  It apparently did not occur to her that her dog might be 'scaring' the frogs as well.  She seemed absolutely incredulous when after all her talking that I didn't make my kids stop.  At the end of her talking she said, "Aren't you going to make them stop?"  I smiled and simply shook my head.  She walked off in such a huff I thought she might actually call the police.  The only creature that was able get us to pack up and go was that wild pig. 

I do not let my kids play and catch frogs because I think we're human and therefor own the animal kingdom.  I let them interact with nature because I believe it is the only way to raise conservationists.  I don't think anyone can become an artist by touring art galleries and museums.  An artist must at some point interact with their medium and actually paint, sculpt or draw.  A writer does not become a writer by reading books, but by writing themselves.  And a conservationist does not become a conservationist by walking on paths through forests or by looking at pictures of nature.  Conservationists love nature.  They love everything about it.  They are not afraid to touch it or to get dirty.  The girls absolutely adored these frogs and took excellent care of them while they were in their custody.  We leave things in their natural habitat when we leave but I am not at all opposed to the girls bringing jars for temporary capture to get a closer look at them.  They wanted to know how long their frog pals could stay under water and if they could tell if they were breathing so they brought a jar on the second day we went back.  

By cultivating this real relationship with the natural world they are much more likely to take care of it and become environmentally responsible adults some day.  They all asked why we don't have frogs in California anymore and the answer is pollution.  This infuriated each one of them and lit a fire within that brought about that inner desire for change.  This is a fire I'm comfortable with lighting.  Simply ordering a children's magazine that talks about nature conservation from an intellectual perspective is not enough.  Interaction with the natural world is the key to cultivating a love of nature and therefor cleaning up our planet.  

kids, unplugged

Most of my friends and I completely agree that we prefer our kids to grow up unplugged for a wide variety of reasons.  Those friends of mine with kids in public school tell me of their children's constant begging for things like a DS,  ipod, game station, whatever.  I have felt quite lucky in that my girls didn't even know what most of those things were.  Since our friends do not have them and when the girls did go to school they were at a Waldorf school so it was a non-issue for us.

Until... their cousins started getting them.  The blessing of family is that they are not chosen, but assigned- so naturally more opportunities for acceptance are presented.   They have observed that when their cousins use these things they become 'mean and grumpy.'  And they do.  The exposure has been rather short lived until now as we're living together in one apartment during these three months.  So there's been lots of pop music, DS playing, and mp3 players hanging out of ears going on around them.  What has not yet happened (yes, I realize I'm jinxing this by writing about it!) is them asking to participate.  They just move away from their cousins when they become 'unavailable' to humans and choose to do something else.  They sometimes will watch from over a shoulder but don't even ask to play- let alone to have their own.  

Then the other day they came to me and told me they were playing 'teenagers' and had made themselves cel phones and laptops.  I thought all of this was hilarious because I've never said anything about those things being for teenagers or that we don't use those things. And likely if I had given them the inclination that these things are 'wrong' or 'bad' they wouldn't have been inspired to make their own.

 I'm very careful with my girls to not put judgments on the things we do not partake in because inevitably we will meet people that do use those things and them feeling like something is inherently bad about that does not feel good to me.  We have particular family members that enjoy informing my girls about their own beliefs on a regular basis.   They attend a  church that indoctrinates the kids at a young age on how to judge others- you know, just like Christ did.  Oh, wait...  So anyway, from the time they were 2 years old they had quite a list going for my girls of reasons they were going to hell- anything from eating bacon to believing in fairies.   I never wanted my girls to have that sort of superiority complex over others having to do with things like Barbie, DS things, or even attending school.  

We were part of an unschooling group for a very short time when the girls were little and there were 4 year olds in there that could give a dissertation on the evils of public school.  So much focus on what they've not chosen on the parents' part.  I really don't get that.  So, just don't go.  My girls didn't know they didn't go to school until strangers started pointing it out to them and asking why they weren't in school.  Then I would respond, "We homeschool. " I remember the one day when the older sister was nearly six and said, "We homeschool?  What's that?"  I said it means you don't go to school and she said, "Oh."  That was the extent of our conversation about it.  So later when given the option to go to school or not they both chose to go to a Waldorf school for a while and the older one is eager to return after our travels, while the little one says she'll never go back.  But time will tell on that one!

creative genius

I saw this over onSoluna the other day and it's had me thinking...
It's a little on the long side, but definitely worth watching!  I love this author (Eat, Pray, Love) for many reasons.  We obviously share a love for travel and delving into the nether lands of other cultures and seeing how living somewhere else can shape our lives.  But this little clip doesn't go into that.  This is about her creative process and truly thought provoking.

 

As with nearly everything I hear, see or read I'm always trying to relate it back to parenting.  How does this information translate in a practical manner to parenting?  Here's how I see it.  I believe that no human being on the planet can be happy or truly fulfilled if they are not creating.  When God (however you view that to be) said that he created us in his image- I believe that meant as a creator ourselves.  With all the recent popularity of movies like The Secret and the work of Quantum Physics I think we're starting to realize through science how true that actually is on a practical level.  So we're finding that we are creating all the time and our whole life is a reflection of what we've created for ourselves.  Yet, we still have this notion that creative people are only those involved in the arts.  I believe her father the Chemist was every bit as creative as she is- just in another fashion.  Creating something out of nothing- a new of way of perceiving material.  Doing something because you're inspired to do it- that is creativity. 

I remember when I was reading The Artist Way by Julia Cameron about 15 years ago and I learned that the word inspired meant 'from Spirit'  and that literally every time we are inspired by something it is a gift from Spirit.  When we receive that little gift, it ought to be treated like a gift from God- because it is.

I loved the part in this talk where Elizabeth talks about that moment of transcendence that we've all experienced- now commonly referred to as 'the zone' which is so much less fantastic than calling it what the ancients did- of God.  I remember watching an interview with the ice-skater Michelle Kwan after having one of these moments which resulted in a perfect 10.  She said she thought of nothing and moved to an effortless state of bliss (paraphrasing- she was a teen!) and then she said when she watched it back on tape she couldn't see it- all she saw was her body.  Spirit is something that is felt, not seen.  When I was doing my final in my Master's in Psychology we were filmed while we counseled so that we could go back and watch ourselves objectively.  But the instructors warned us that what would not show up on the screen was Spirit's work.  There are moments when we're truly connected with another human being and absolute healing takes place.  Those moments are inspired moments.  They are of God and can't be captured on film, paper or in paint.  This is the very thing that has driven most artists to a place of madness.  The inspiration is of Spirit and all those attempting to put it into physical form will ultimately fail because our physical world is of another dimension.  We can come close and can certainly ask for Spirit's assistance in expressing those feelings into physical form, but it will never be quite accurate.  Think about describing love.  Many people have spent many years in the attempt and many come close but nothing can really match describing that feeling other than the feeling itself. 

So what does this have to do with kids again?  Well, as always with me...it's a promo for play.  Play is the work of the inspired.  That is the place where transcendence takes place for kids.  goosebumps happen, eyes water, neck hairs stand on end and hearts expand.  Play.  Unstructured, free-form, often unsupervised play.  When children play they connect with Spirit.  It is inspired.  They follow their instincts and are led by their guts.  In play, children take risks and put themselves out there.  They bring into form something that wasn't there before.   That is why real play should be based on creating a feeling or a mood rather than what the result is.  Process not product.  We've heard it a thousand times.  Yet every single day when I'm at the park I watch parents attempting to direct, control and influence their children's play. 

(I bring a book to the park to pretend like I'm not listening to them play- but this play was all about a ship that was at sea during a storm.  The one hanging off the side kept getting washed overboard and then the others would try to save her by pulling her back up.  It's always fun to see what roles they give the little ones- usually they are dying of some disease and the 2 yr old on the right has perfected dying in the arms of the big girls.  She goes completely limp, opens her mouth and closes her eyes.  She has a gift for it.  Then someone comes up with an herbal drink or spell that brings them back)

The part about all of this that bums me out is how little most children actually get to do this these days.  With all of the rushing about that happens in kids' lives these days so little time is left for inspiration.  The second they have a free moment they whip out a DS, put on an ipod or tune into their cel phones and begin thumb calisthenics.  So many well-meaning parents spending all sorts of money attempting to do what's best for their children and depriving them of the most magical of them all- taping into God.  It's really an incredible thing when you think about it.  

What if children were raised from the beginning knowing their inspiration comes from something bigger than themselves?  What if we taught them that they have a responsibility only to listen and have no attachment to the outcome?  What if our teaching was providing a quiet enough space for them to hear?  What if we allowed them their feelings and made it safe to express them?  Would that not make a difference?  Would children raised like that be terrified to write another book after a successful one?  Or would they be able to see things objectively and say, "This is what Spirit had to say through me this time around."  And feel good about it.